I am in charge of the capital campaign in the church.. So I am cognizant of what we have. What we need and what the shortfall is.. (I figure about 50 grand short..) Oh my so we are doing bingo. There are those that hate bingo. It's gambling, it takes advantage of people's weaknesses. In our game the max investment is probably $50 so you could go broke but it would take a long long time and we are cash only so it would be tough to do.
We have been having trouble getting publicity. Nobody wants that job. Heck no one wants to publicize the church either. It's not a skill we really have, unfortunately because we really need it. So our bingo maven asked me to put out flyers and to get help putting out flyers. I failed at getting help. No help was forthcoming! So I decided to try and put out 4 hundred some flyers myself. I figured I could try...
Well I tried the first day and I couldn't do it. I was sore afraid! I was just way too scared to put a flyer on a car. I tried caramels and although I ate the whole bag I was still afraid to molest strange cars. I drove home and developed a plan. I have in my possesion (at all times) anti-anxiety drugs. So I took one in the morning. Along with 3 cups of coffee. And I started papering cars. After the first one, it's easy, It's just a stamina thing then. No, no the alarms do not go off. Expect for one. One pickup truck noticed I was approaching, then the truck owner showed up and I handed him the flyer.. Hah! That was fun...
So here I am. I can't hardly walk. Just barely recovered from the blessed infected hair, one hair can take you DOWN, let me tell you. I was able to get out at least 200 flyers over the 2 days. We got 2 people come to bingo because of my flyer distributiion, hopefully someone will come next week also.
It could have been a better result but the point is that I can walk, I can move, it's 100% about determination. Many things I cannot do I in fact can. Although, I am paying the price. But it's worth it I think. Not so much for the game but for me. The proof that I can and the practice of doing. Maybe this is an exercise that I will regularly do. It's definately not a pointless thing to do.
- You just won't believe it...
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
igosm- October 29th, 18:46
Triumphant
- Dancing..
-
- igosm
- October 21st, 0:16
good
I went to a dance Class tonight. I was able to to quite a bit. I had to sit part way through when my knee sent me messages. Who'd have thunk I could still dance. It made me think. I have to. I have to dance so that I will be able to dance as I age. This dancing thing is going on my list of things to do. My ribs and butt, they burn, it's a good thing...
I am moving toward forgiveness of nasty letter writters. I have to work on getting all the way there. I wonder - can I lose weight? Really can I? I say I want to and then I don't do it. Can I even lose 25 pounds? is it possible. I mean intellectually I know it must be, but I know my previous approaches are not keep upable. I think I have to figure out a way to work from exercise to diet rather than diet to exercise. And I have to have fun with it.
Shall I go back to Roller Skating? I was planning on waiting until i was under 300 but maybe that is excessive. If I can dance, can I not skate?
I have a staff infection in a hair follacle. So I am not going to go skating until that's resolved (feel like crap actually) but after that... skating! Maybe... Two weeks ago I walked a mile and a half at Birch State. The last part kind of quick as the mosquito's found us. Seems like I am in better shape than I give myself credit for ( I was handicapped for the two or 3 days after.. ) I have to figure this out.
- What I learnt in church today...
-
- igosm
- October 18th, 14:47
contemplative
I learned that I am beloved of the community...
I learned that as you study to be a minister you are supported.
I think I can get through this drama...
I think I can
I have para-ministerial colleagues who can help me.
Maybe I AM tough enough..
Emma
- To Preach or not to Preach
-
- igosm
- October 17th, 23:05
scared
So I am deciding whether or not to pursue the ministry... I go back and forth... Am I still able to do the work? I mean the studying. I know I can preach, I know I can guide. But am i tough enough. I have been with the church for 15 years or there abouts and I have to say that we are not gentle with our Reverends. We can be kind of nasty.. Small groups form to push the minister out. Inspite of the fact it costs twice as much to go find a new one. And you'd be borrowing a whole new set of trouble. I've seen this effort twice with one successful eviction. Our first minister I knew, she was a bit of a control freak (that's what control freaks call each other) our latest minister has been besiged with attacks and I've defended her and she stood strong and is still standing.
I've been stepping ever more into the ministerial role. Filling in and doing more than is possible for one human (bi-location on the dias and in the choir at the same time....) and we got a nasty gram from non-members (the NERVE) basically implying we'd be better off with dear Igosm... So finally I get it.. That eventually the attack will be aimed directly at me... Do I have what it takes emotionally to weather the occasional attack? I don't know... This was my retirement program. I don't know if bi-polar me can bear the occasional external attack.
The church leadership has rallied behind me and told me to keep doing what I have been doing. I have said that of course if it's a problem I can resign. No one is willing to take that resignation. Except for people who don't belong. Hurtful also that the attack came from a spouse of a speaker I brought in. Hurtful that they criticized Stewardship Sunday. Which I have been planning (Loosely) for a year...)
Ironically the part they hated most was where I said how pleased I was that we were acting as a community that the service came together as an act of community and that I was trying to control less. I know this is sort of a one off. On the other hand I have seen this happen to ministers more than once... Am I tough enough to be a UU minister??
Emma
blah- Stepping forward
-
- igosm
- September 3rd, 0:19
sleepy
I put some stuff on ebay... I expect nothing will happen with it. We'll see. I have more to do.. I need some kind of container for books to go.. because some of them need to go.
I talked to the doctor about the expensive medication. He also wants me to take iron tablets. Dern it. Well maybe they will work. It would be different not to feel sick all of the time. I have been doing dishes until my back hurts. I am hoping that tomorrow I will start to feel much better because this is day 3 on the thyroid...
Thyroid makes me feel better. I am hoping that it will do the best it can and I will find myself shrinking like mad. I've thought my thyroid was low for years. Low normal IS low.. He wants me to see a specialist and I think I will. I wonder if wellbutrin can cause thyroid troubles. Lord knows, I took it for a while... If I could find it cheaper I sure would go back on.
One of my dear ones at church is dying. I think he's going to be okay.. I worry for the church. I worry for the music director (he was the choir director) I think I will be okay.. because I knew all along that he was a short timer. He's 84 years old with multiple medical problems. He was too stuborn to submit to his problems and now he is working on finishing up his final project, dying well. The whole choir was tearing up. I was expecting the music director to say that he was dying today.. But not so. He's not dying today. Later at some other date. I will miss his advice. He was big on identiying good processes. I probably should take the lesson and learn to pay attention to the process of things.
I'd rather just manipulate but I think that's not possible. I have to get better. Everyone who dies leaves me a life lesson, every single one.
I still have a lot of work to do and I will do more tommorrow. Hopefully it will all go well.
Tommorrow I am going to get me some coffee yep, that's what I am going to do.
I know this all makes no sence. But that's how I write sometimes.
- (no subject)
-
- igosm
- September 1st, 22:34
hopeful
I am so wise.. I am. I have resources and when I remember to use them. I am so wise… Alex wants to live separately because he’s all cranky right now and I realize that he will be miserable and I will be free. I cry and complain and don’t like it.. But that’s not the long view. He’s been neurotic and cranky and full of periodic rages for years… So I read my live journal. Dang I love that thing. It’s a pain in the ars putting it up there but I can look and read and see patterns. I say the same thing over and over. He’s cranky and he rages and he thinks I am just crazy.
I forgive him over and over. This is an opportunity… I can take care of me and not take care of him. After all I deserve to be taken care of, who’s better than me to do it…
I’m in the kitchen tonight. Realizing that I don’t want to go to the rheumatologist because I am going to be diagnosed with some heinous unbeatable pain disorder… Then I am realizing that getting disability… would help my becoming a minister a lot… If I could be officially disabled that would really help.
SO neurologist, rheumatologist and gastroenterologist, and the other one too… It’s ridicules. I also want a psychologist too. I want to talk through what I am doing while I am unemployed and have time to talk through it.
So what am I going to do now????
I want to make a list of my complaints
My hip,
My knee
My glands
The cost of medications
My ears..
My broken heart.
My worries
How will I afford everything…
I know the answer.. I have to trust the universe.
I have to trust that the lame things I am applying for, one will come through..I have to trust that I will get a job. Or that money will come somehow…
My duties..
My health
Getting ready for leaving (or staying if that’s how I want it)
Making my own decisions for myself
Getting chores done and calendar made.
Stop, Breath Smile…
Stay in the Moment
Be grateful for this drama, for maybe it’s the last ever drama.
Start walking and swimming again.. Alternate days.
More writing like this….
And my reading… Reading things that touch my heart…
Go visit Voc rehab and see if you can’t get help with your long term project. They might help with the insurance too.. If I could get health coverage and a working car it would make life much much easier… Clean the damned house…
My hopes…
I hope to:
Get a new home, get a new bed, lose weight, get a new job, study for the ministry, blog your efforts, write blogs, write journals, write sermons., start on my life list. Make more friends. More art and color in my life.. Change my wardrobe to better express my inner coolness…
Meditation:
I am happy.
I am strong.
I have what I need
I will have what I need just in time
I have good support
I will have as much support as I need
I have fans and I have supporter
I have families of people who love me.
I can read and learn.
I can organize.
My pain is leaving
I am pain-free
I am pain-free
I can be blessed…
- Here's a reason to vote...
-
- igosm
- November 1st, 2008
- awake
Apparently it proves that you are what you think you are. Smarter than average!
abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/story
I found that amusing.
Emma
- Deep Thoughts
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- igosm
- May 7th, 2008
- awake
I feel like I aught to be having deep thoughts about spiritual things. today the frustration level was high ant work but we caught a problem before it became a big one. I am so glad that we caught it. I am learning to geek things out in the new systems and should have some real progress by tomorrow. I am working in Sugar
Sorry this is so geeky and existential (at least I think it's existential.) I have to work on being present so I can take dictation like all of my favorite writers do.
I listened to Eckhard Tolle and Oprah Class #9 today and it was pretty good. I didn't feel amazed by it because I think I know this stuff. I think I am cranky on account of stones hurting me. I just took the Tylenol too. It looks like I am going to be needing something stronger at least occasionally.
I am sorry that I haven't been all bloggy lately. I hope to work on that. one of my goals on the bucket list is to write a book. And considering it's me it is going to have to be a self-help book. So I thought I'd better be practicing. so that when it's time to write I will be all good at it.
Emma
- I hate it when life get's all dramatic.
-
- igosm
- May 1st, 2008
I spent the last 2 days in the hospital with chest pain. Turns out Hiatal hernia. Which is aggravated by lying down. Whoops. They gave me high acid food also. Silly Doctors! I'm much better today. I am still tired. My desk is holding me up.. I am using tylenol for pain and I go to the gyn tomorrow. It will be so much fun to tell her all my woes. I'm due for my annual so I'm figuring it should take about an hour and they'll set me up for the mammogram. I wonder if I can get it same day as the Cat Scan. That would be good. The Pet two cats with one stroke as no one but me says.
So I am at 'work' and feeling much better today. There is hope for me. I think I might have dropped a few pounds in the hospital. They are not too big on feeding us vegetarians they find it confusing. Oh the fruit. Great Acid on the Hernia. SUPER!! But the nurses were super and they got me out of there pretty quick.
Emma
- Silly Quiz but I think they nailed me.
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- igosm
- March 8th, 2008
annoyed
You are The Moon
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.
The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
- I'm feeling kind of goodie
-
- igosm
- February 2nd, 2008
- sleepy
I fell yesterday morning. How embarrassing. It's serious when I fall. I was properly ibuprophened at work and so i made it throught the day okay. I am working on something but it's kind of slow go.. I have to do documentation better and it's a bit of a drag as I don't exactly know what I am doing yet. I took ibuprophen this a.m. I want to sleep more and I think perhaps after this post I wil be able and I think I will I have several hard to read easy to sleep books and that should put me down. I need to call the hubster and get him going on all my errands as he has the car. I think the next car will be toyota. I have to save my nickels!
I have to confirm with him he paid the credit card. He wants to manage this one card okay.. He doesn't want me to see the bills for some reason. it's up to 3 grand. I have no idea how that happenned. I'd like to get a look at the bill so I can understand whether or not we are being scammed. But it's okay..
I'm getting tired again so i beleive it's time for my nap. I've been learning so much lately. My head may just explode. Brain science and etc. There is so much to it. I'm feeling ever wiser. hopefully application in my own life will come along shortly.
Emma
- 36 questions
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- igosm
- January 30th, 2008
IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine...You're on my list, so I want to know you better!
BE HONEST! COPY FROM HERE, THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT, THEN REPOST THE EMPTY QUESTIONS( 36 questions )
- Stuff that's great about my husband
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- igosm
- January 22nd, 2008
- awake
1. Loyal
2. Funny
3. Cute
4. Handsome
5. Intellegent
6. Fun
7. fun Loving
8. Run Recruiter.
9. Rumi Fan
More Coming
- Working on the weight thing...
-
- igosm
- January 18th, 2008
creative
i changed my goals on Spark people to stretch it out more and got some extra calories. I was actually able to walk. I think the problem might have been not enough calories to run the body. I will watch the scale and see what happens. It will probably still be broken.. I've come to a peaceful resolution with the DH. We have dinner on Saturday and check in by cell phone. I get rides every where and he hogs the car. next week i am going to Orlando (By myself - rental car) to see a workshop by Carolyn McDade, this wonderful spirtitual lady who's feminist and I am totally stoked about going and he's figured out he should be okay with it..
Tonight we went to a lovely French Restaurant because he wanted to go where he'd never been before. It was a tad pricey but I got me some lovely real french Onion Soup.. Man I love that stuff. It's like amazing! My husband is certain that it breaks my diet. But I'd saved calories for the night so I could relax and enjoy. I need to log it. I wouldn't be surprised if I had calories left..
So he wants to go to places we've never been to before. AND visit the places we love. I think we will be dining together on Fridays from now on and then running off in our separate directions... And I'm okay with that because we are talking about stuff and trying to learn from each other at least that's what seems to happen...
He said he's not having fun over there, that it is just regular stuff. He tires of these people. I will probably end up missing them when they are gone. I need to hurry up and find me a counsleor for us. While he's open. It would be nice if he could be a bit less judgemental and a tad more helpful. Instead of You Should wash the dishes, it could be I washed the dishes. Why is that me? Penile imparement is no reason for permanent Kitchen Duty, while he slacks off forever..
I finally did my laundry. I really need to go through the closets they look full yet there is nothing to wear until I wash stuff. Some of this stuff has to go away...
I was talking to DH about having fun, giving him suggestions of stuff I'd like to do.. (Billie's Swamp Safari!!! Again!!!) It's awful dry I wonder how the animals are holding up.... We need some us time so we can forget the just a little angry all the time thing... Yeah we need counseling for sure...
Tommorrow is jammed packed so I have to go nighty night soon. The air conditioner is fixed so I should be able to breathe all darn night!!
I'm going to sleep and have a great day... I'm sorry I've been missing. I'm all spark people lately. I feel like I have to or I forget to eat right and exercise...
- I would be lost without my friends
-
- igosm
- December 28th, 2007
- grateful
I have to remember to ask for help... If I am alone and scared I have to ask. When I need a ride to buy groceries. I have to ask. When I need to vent I have to ask. I love you guys on here and I realize how much smaller my world would be without your support. I really feel like I can overcome ANYTHING because of all of your support. You help me think more clearly. You help me cope when I am crazy, and you let me occasionally give you advice which helps me so much with my self-esteem. I am feeling like the wise woman that I really am. The trick as always is to take my own advice...
Thank you
Thank you
Thank You
- Last years Resolutions Vs This Years Resolutions
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- igosm
- December 28th, 2007
- hopeful
My New years resolution is to become the health nut I really am and to call my sisters and my friends more. My sister the middle child, said she felt neglected. I thought I could do something about that. I will bore her with attention. It's the least I can do. She's always made me feel special.
_______________________________________________________
I have called my friends more. I have called my sisters more but I don't think I have done enough. I still need to work on being the health nut I really am. That's a good resolution. I also resolve to pursue wellness.
- Today's drama
-
- igosm
- December 27th, 2007
confused
I'm feeling better now, I'm not sure how well it will hold. He is supposed to tell me in a couple of days.. 2 days he said specifically.. He's not letting me know exactly where he's going. He needs the car to get there. Leaving me stuck at home all night.. I think he's meditating and stuff all night, he looks like he is getting sleep so I guess he will get okay. (He's making decisions I think whether or not he wants to pursue this cult. If that is what it is. I don't know... So it's all in his hands and I don't like his being willing to throw me away on a whim. He joins these things and feels uncomfortable after about a month.. He likes things his way he likes to be his own boss, mostly that is not how the world works.
He thinks I am controlling. Well what he's doing right now seems very controlling to me. So Hopefully they will give him a bad feeling by friday... We definately need counseling in either case. I don't want this issue coming up again.. I want to know where he's sleeping and that he is fine. I don't think it's too much to ask at all. There are plenty other things I want. We'll see if he can do that too.. I should make a list.
- I see the beginning of the end...
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- igosm
- December 25th, 2007
- contemplative
I'm going to have to save up for my apartment. I can't even wrap my mind around it. He's mourning his "youth" that I 'took" from him. Oh I feel sorry for him, but I don't know how much more support I will be able to provide. He's camping at a friends house while he figures stuff out and tells them what a manipulative person I am. I am manipulative, out of fear, but the more freedom he gets the worse he acts. He didn't come home last night and I feel so betrayed. He left me on my holiday.. He was supposed to spend tonight with me and then he counted our argument as our time together (It's 6 o'clock allready.. He said and then he left to go to his friend's house. Wait a minute how long are they going to put up with this free loader and never meeting the wife.. I bet they think he's single...
I hate having these thoughts. He was getting progressively better until recently. He thinks he's making progress on his Sexual Abuse Issues and I am not. ummm no. He's full into blaming and has not moved into taking responsibility. I was hoping that perhaps we could be farther along in the process before we had to split up.. I don't mind him having friends. I don't want him sleeping away from home. I think he's just got to go. I hope they will welcome all his stuff. I certainly do not want to watch it for him. It's all his. Including his sisters stuff. All of it.
that would be the part I am looking for actually decorating the house for me. and his stuff can stay with him. That will be good. But I wanted to get further along.
- Christmas Wisdom
-
- igosm
- December 19th, 2007
Jolly
I've been looking around and I've noticed a pattern. People are feeling terrible about the upcoming holiday..
Thier houses are not decorated enough,
Their relatives are not festive enough,
they themselves feel a lack of the joy they formerly felt , And
They can't afford to give the kids the wham bang amazing day they once had when they were little...
Let's start at the top.. Are you Trying? Are you doing the best you possibly can considdering everything, could anyone do better with the resources you have. Probably but not much. For Christmas I wish everyone would stop beating themselves up. My first wish... Do your best and let good enough be good enough... (Martha Stewart isn't coming, no one from national TV will be filming, You are fine)
Simplify decorating so it's pleasant to see and not such a hassle to put up.. Out source it, Kids and spouces do great work even when it's bad it's good because it's not YOU!
Relatives: Expect Less of them, Be super nice to them. Give them all the Compassion in the world... Assume that they are trying their best as well. Don't let it get you down if they act just like they always acted. That should be a given. If there is any improvement SAVOR it... It's a rare gift.
Your not feeling festive because you are not even nice to yourself.. Make your todo list, to doable and todo it and get it out of the way, give yourself space to relax sometimes, if you don't have it you will NOT feel festive, Festive and exhausted are mutually exclusive after all. So work on giving yourself a break, expecting less, and celebrate the little joys.. Make them grow, watered with gratetude.
About being poor and having kids you want to overwhelm with gifts. THIS MUST BE STOPPED. Your Mom went broke overwhelming you and now you are going broke trying to overwhelm your kids and then they will do it to their kids everyone's going broke and if you ask them this year what they got last year. It's a 50 50 shot they will remember at all. If they got less they will remember it more. I'd go with one small memorable thoughtful gift and then stuff they need anyway.. And then stop.. We are comercializing Christmas and Jesus would be tearing up the Temple again to get us to stop.. It's supposed to be his birthday after all. There's been studies done and people with Less are happier. Do not add to the horrid accumulation of un-neccesary gifts by buying way to much stuff you cannot afford..
I may not be like everybody and this IS in fact a request as well as a nice suggestion... What I would like from you for Christmas is a comment telling me why you think I am great. i will charish such comments and I will treasure them ever more.. That's what I want, Not a book or a Sweater (even though I love them) What I want is a nice note saying what you like about me.. There is a gift you can give without breaking the bank. Also since you are insanely busy... I will gladly except these notes all the way through the end of January.. So when you get a sec. And One more thing. Promise me you will not exhaust yourself and doom your holiday spirit, downsize the holiday, downsize the expectations you will be glad you did.
