Inner Growth Outer Shrinkage

Inner Thoughts

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Okay I'll tell...
I made a contract with myself last night as follows.

I will for the period of one month, eat only when hungry and stop eating when unhungry.  I will do this with support that I will gather.  I will appreciate myself when I succeed and analyze when I fail so that I can learn from it. 

Now I think I also need to remember to make this possible I will have to manage my stress.  I had a rough night last night because of the boyfriend.  Is he a boyfriend.  He's definitely a male and a friend.  He has my heart in his hands,  But occasionally he wants to change me some and I don't even know if it's possible.  He sees what he sees and doesn't get the whole picture.  So he thinks that the whole vegetarian thing is a little out there and it couldn't be possible that eating salt is recommended for people with Neuro cardiogenic syncope. 

So this morning I sent him some links.  See I'm not making it up, a doctor did say this to me and it totally works to keep me vertical.  Horizontal could be desirable if it was any other man.  So I wrote him a note and I feel better.  It may be that I have to argue with him a few times before he realizes that I really do monitor my health with finesse.  It's difficult to balance the desires of all the various and sundry physicians with their desires to support well one organ or another.  The ONLY thing they all agree on is Lose weight girl.  

So I will eat only when hungry and stop eating when unhungry for the period of one month.  And I will speak up when I feel crazy about stuff.  I just have to.   I have to stop letting things go..

  • 1
Personally, I can't do anything for as long as a month. Heck, right now, I'm having trouble carrying out my commitments for one day at a time! One day, however, is all we've got. If you contracted to refrain from overeating for one day, you could avoid the crushing sense of loss that would come if you messed up during that month.

Do you go to OA meetings? Didn't we meet through the overeaters_anon community? I have found them to be invaluable support.

I'm glad to hear you've found a bf! I hope that relationship goes where you want it to!

I won't be crushed, because I won't be perfect. It's okay. This is me trying it my way. I did OA for a while and felt surrounded by perfectionists. It felt creepy to me. I'm sure I was in the wrong room. My spirit has led me, since life is soo strange, to live mostly in the moment. I am not focused on the month because I can't relate to what is more than now. I spend more time in joy than I ever did before, wallowing in the affection that I feel for bf and I hope he is feeling for me, (He's not a big talker like me) and if I can keep my thoughts in the now where they belong a month or a year it is no difference.
It may not sound like much but yesterday, I didn't eat when I was full, I didn't get full actually, by spacing out my eating. And I incorporated healthy food (brown rice and squash) into my day, I did forget to appreciate myself. I need to create that habit! It was a good day. This seems achievable. There is a part of me that wants to work on Exercise and every other habit at the same time. I don't think that's wise and I am resisting it, however maybe I should attack it all. Since there is only now for me now. how can I overwhelm myself when there is only now? I don't know.

this sounds like a good goal, but i know for myself that sometimes i don't even know WHEN i'm hungry and when i'm un-hungry! I can get into a grumpy mood and then after eating something realize, "gosh, i guess i was hungry that entire time??" and stopping to eat is even harder... :(

Good for you sticking up to your boyfriend... the point of love is that it should be unconditional. my mom keeps trying to change me, too.

  • 1

Log in

No account? Create an account